THE WORST MOVIE EVER
SACRAMENTO BEE - November 12, 1984
Author: George Williams
JUST WHEN I thought I had seen the very worst movie ever made - that was last week - along comes The Boarding House.
This pail of garbage boasts a supposedly new film process called Horror Vision. What apparently happened was that these filmmakers were so embarrassed when they saw what they had wrought, so bewildered about what they were going to do with it aside from mercifully stuffing it down some deep, lead-lined hole, one of them must have come up with the idea of calling it Horror Vision, implying this was an experimental journey into a new process. Who'll know the difference? he probably exclaimed. I f anyone asks questions, we'll just say the special glasses required didn't show up in time.
But such ploys cannot hide the truth. The Boarding House has glaringly bad photography, so bad at times you're sure someone was splashing gallons of Dr. Pepper and orange juice up on the screen. The editing is atrocious. The actors% show all of the skill and discipline of 12 people pulled in off the street to fill the roles. The dialogue is beyond comprehension.
The plot generally has to do with a group of numbskulls living in a house where evil dwells, waiting around to be chainsawed or poleaxed.
Never do you get the idea anyone involved had ever seen a movie camera before or knew which end was which. That they should be allowed anywhere near a camera again is a possibility too awful to contemplate.
THE BOARDING HOUSE
(No stars)
Cast: Hank Adly, Kalassu, Alexandra Day, Joel Riordan, Brian Bruderlin, Tracy O'Brian. The names of the technical crew, so-called, were not available. Horror Vision trademark: Howard Willette. A Coast Films release.
State, Madison Square, and Sacramento and Forty Niner drive-ins.
Rating: R, for nakedness and violence.
I don't know who this kid is but I love the line "This DVD does actually has some features..."
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